just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
