I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
