Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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