lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
