sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
