If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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