maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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