I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
