I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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