I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
