the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
