Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
