im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
