Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
