Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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