I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize