Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
