I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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