i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
