did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
