i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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