The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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