hell yes lets make some ravioli
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize