that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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