is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize