Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
