why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
