You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
