Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
