somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
