Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
whose ass print is on the piano?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
