I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
