Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
