He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
