Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
