I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
