well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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