last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
