oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
