I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
