My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
