Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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