Do you still have your period?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
