i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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