I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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