honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
