This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
