I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
