last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
