Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
