I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize