hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
