Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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