I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
