so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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