great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
