And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
