Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
