I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
