I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
