Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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