My hand turned me down
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
