No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
