Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
