I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
