your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
