You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
