I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
