come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
