im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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