Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
