I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
