i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
