fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
