PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Im part way to drunk.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
