I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
